Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
