Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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