she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
