you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
