you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
