I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
