so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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