Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
