You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
