so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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