For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
