Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
