Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
