Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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