So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
