Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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