Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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