Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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