I think my fart just growled at me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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