Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
