I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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