well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
