based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Couch. On fire.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
