Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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