you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
