And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
