oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
