you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
