That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
