I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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