Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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