can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
