Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.