Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.