Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk