She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
