I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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