I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
