I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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