I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
