How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
