I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Come on in and take your pants off
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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