I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
