in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
