So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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