READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
