I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
