Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
