My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
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