I think my vagina is haunted
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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