I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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