Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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