@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
