i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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