im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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