i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
