I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
