So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
