it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
either way he was missing a nipple.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
