i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
