cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
