he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
