Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
